'You found a loophole': Parents' $50k wedding gift exposes ridiculous double standard, daughter elopes in response

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 3, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

It wasn't so long ago that young women only had two choices in life: get married or good luck, sweetie. It remains true in other parts of the world. But thanks to some courageous gals of history and those who championed them (aka the invention of the dishwasher and birth control), we have a few more options. But some people are slow on the uptake and still expect women to join the ranks of married life just about as soon as they can. And in some cases, the call is coming from inside the house (aka it's coming from your parents). 

Parents will undoubtedly have expectations for their children, but in this particular case, they had much different expectations from their sons than they did from their daughter. What followed was some delectable malicious compliance, and a good story full of moral quandaries. Read on for all the details of this intra-family title 9 case.

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Important-Writing889. 18h AITA for accepting money from my parents for my wedding then eloping.
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 02
    My parents gave each of my brothers $50,000 when they graduated from university as a downpayment on their home. When I graduated they did not do the same for me. I asked about it and they said my husband should provide. I wasn't married. I still lived at home.
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 03
    Three years later I met my husband. We dated for a year and then we got engaged. My parents were overjoyed. When we set a date they gave me a check for $50,000 to pay for the wedding. ?
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 04
    I took the check and we eloped. We then used the check for a downpayment on a house. My husband had a similar amount saved up so we are in a good spot with equity.
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 05
    My parents bare furious that they didn't get a big wedding for all their friends and family to attend. They said that they gave me the money for a wedding. My argument is that I got married and had leftover money. Accurate in my books.
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 06
    My brothers are on their side so I am here to ask if I'm in the wrong.
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 07
    A_Dog_Chasing_Cars • 18h Partassipant [3] NTA, your family is being horrible and is using a double standard. They didn't expect your brothers to use that money for a big wedding, but you have to. They wouldn't have helped you get a home unless it was through marriage, but your brothers didn't have that condition and just got the money. And they expected you to have a huge wedding so that they could have fun. Saving up the money is the responsible thing to do and they're being bad parents if they
    via u/A_Dog_Chasing_Cars
  • 08
    Important-Writing889 OP 18h • There was a wedding.
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 09
    tictactoss 17h Partassipant [4] If they wanted to pay for a fancy wedding, then they should have planned for and paid for the fancy wedding directly themselves. They gave you the money directly 'for a wedding'. If you had $49,950 after paying $50 to the Justice of the Peace, well...I guess you planned better than they did. NTA.
    via u/tictactoss
  • 10
    Cymraeg American • 16h Exactly. I would much rather have a fantastic honeymoon or a house downpayment than a one day celebration.
    via u/CymraegAmerican
  • 11
    Pondering-Out-Loud • 18h Aficionado [13] If, for example, this concerned money set aside for education, I'd judge you in the wrong. But 50k for a wedding when your brothers got that same amount for a home is outrageous. Seriously, what the heck where they thinking? "Hi, daughter dear. Rather than giving you 50k to set you up quite comfortably housing-wise, we want you to burn through it for a single day called 'wedding'. You see, you have melons up top rather than ping pong and a sausage down be
    via u/Pondering-Out-Loud
  • 12
    Avlonnic2 • 17h Partassipant [1] "And if it costs you your relationship with your parents" And the brothers, laughing to the bank with their money. 'born with
    via u/Avlonnic2
  • 13
    NurseExMachina • 18h I would invite them to an impromptu wedding ceremony in the backyard of your new house and thank them for funding this special day.
    via u/NurseExMachina
  • 14
    Important-Writing 889 OP 17h That's more or less what we did at a friend's house.
    via u/Important-Writing889
  • 15
    anneofred 17h • Partassipant [1] Have a renewal at your house "you paid for the venue!!"
    via u/anneofred
  • 16
    celticmusebooks ⚫ 18h Is this some 3rd world culture thing where boys get everything and girls are just fluff? Tell your parents "Welcome to the 21st century where daughters and sons are equal." NTA enjoy your husband and your new home!
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 17
    NTA. Longjumping-Lab-1916 18h Aficionado [13] You found a loophole. It seems odd they gave you the money outright vs paying the wedding invoices. Sorry your parents have double standards.
    via u/Longjumping-Lab-1916
  • 18
    Good-Statement-9658 17h . Gifts don't come with strings attached. Methods of control come with strings attached. Good for you on cutting the strings They give you $50k for your wedding. You used the money for the wedding. They didn't specify how much you had to spend
    via u/Good-Statement-9658

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aita marriage wedding party double standard gift marriage-drama parenting feminism wedding wedding gift marriage advice wedding dress Reddit weddings money men vs women parents
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